Friday, January 27, 2006

and Boom Goes the Dynamite!

I recently came across the single worst thing I have ever heard.

If people gave out prizes for atrocious singing there would be no contest. I'm not sure why he recorded this, but I know that my coworkers, boss and I can't stop laughing. Listen to it if you dare, but if you do you must listen to its entirety, the best of it comes at the very end.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Coffee? Sure! Vomit?...not so much.

Just as any actor worth his salt I love my coffee. It's not just the caffeine its the warmth too, somehow on a cold or otherwise just plain bad day a hot cup in your hands of that familiar just-so brown liquid seems so comforting, like your favorite sweater. I shyed away from it for years thinking I ought to like it due simply to my French-Canadian roots. Then one very cold day in a theatre I used to work for which was housed in an old brick warehouse which never retained heat well when the house was full, (imagine a room which usually holds the body heat of 150 people with 15 people even if you cranked the heat way up it wouldn't do thaty much good) I was tempted to give the stern adult drink an honest try.

At just 18 I was the youngest actor in the theatre, I wasn't quite used to the rehearsal process yet. We were going through our monthly process of refining our newest show which would then open the following week. It was a long process, I knew I would be there all day. It was cold, It was early. Wrapping myself in a blanket just wasn't cutting it, I needed warmth in my hands, inside... and a coffee drinker was born.

I love coffee and I'm usually very willing to try new things, however I might just have to draw the line at Weasel Coffee. I received a communication today about it which the luxury drink was described in this way, "This stuff looks just like normal coffee and smells like it too, but it differs in one significant respect: it's made from weasel sick."

Whatwhatwhat???? exactly.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Conversation which actually took place

Me: Hi thanks for calling big retailer.
Customer: I'm calling to check on my order.
Me: Well sir, I see that we contacted you on December 27th, but there was no answer and no machine picked up, so we sent you a letter explaining the item you ordered is out of stock so your order has been cancelled.
Customer: Oh. (pause) ...why didn't you leave a message?

Blog Abuse

Once again an apology is long overdue to the whole -3 people actually read my site. This blog has been the unfortunate victim of blog neglect, I'm waiting for the blog patrol to come for me at any moment. In my defence the company I work for changed a policy just before the Christmas season began and vastly underestimated how much it would increase our business (and my workload). After staring at a computer screen all f'ing day long 7 days a week, 10 hours a day all I wanted to do was come home and stare at the tv screen. I was too tired and overworked to think of anything to say, so instead I said nothing.

At least the overtime pay was pretty awesome.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

The Reality of the Addition

I fought the good fight. I was determined to hate, no loathe all reality television. After all, I do love theatre passionately and isn't reality tv stealing already sparse jobs from deserving actors, writers and directors and handing them over to, well goldiggers for lack of a better term.

Survirvor? Fear Factor? American Idol? The Amazing Race? The Real Gilligan's Island??? What could possibly be entertaining about watching a twentysomething midwest gal dressed up as MaryAnn eating gross shit?

I was full on into my battle when....Trump has a show? Well maybe I could just watch it once, out of curiousity of course.

and, well I do love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, I guess that's reality tv too.

and, well how could an intellectual snob like myself not perk up when all the critics were hailing Project Runway and after all, wasn't it on Bravo? Now that had to warrant a viewing. Oh, but I missed it until the season finale, so that meant I had to watch the entire season in the two nights before the finale aired so I could properly understand.

Next, I tried to maintain my integrity by lying, not admitting to watching reality tv - or only admitting to The Apprentice and referring to it as "my guilty pleasure." Somehow it didn't occur to me that these other shows I had come to love also fell into that genre.

So, in the end I have succumb to the temptress of bitching and backstabbing, I've thought about quitting them, but who am I kidding? I'm hooked.

but I still don't like that gross shit.